Monday, November 30, 2009


We LOVE a good work-out!
We love to exercise!
It just makes us feel good.
I have about 6 weeks to whip myself into swim-suit shape...
Our 10 year anniversary is in January...and although we aren't sure where we are going yet, we know we are going, and I know it's gonna be warm!
So Brent is helping me come up with a good routine, some weight lifting, get myself running again...and I have got to start eating better!!!
Brent got home from swimming today and did some pull-ups on his bar outside, and of course the little ones have to join in.
Elsie was sleeping, but she loves to exercise along with the rest of us!
Porter did pretty good holding himself up for a few seconds!
Oh, what fun stuff...

Sunday, November 29, 2009


I LOVE this place!!!
It is called the Homestead now.
But this house is the house my Grandma Beardall lived in, and my Mom purchased it from her so it would always be in the family.
I love this place.
My little family had the opportunity to stay here while we were visiting.
I can't even tell you what a trip down memory lane it was.
Every time we go to visit, we go to the Homestead.
But to stay there, to sleep there, it was so wonderful.
Sleeping in my Grandmas room...I remember spending the night at her house if she had late irrigation, or early irrigation, sleeping in Grandmas little bed with her.
Waiting to wake up and help her all I could.
She was such a neat lady.
I would do anything for her.
The smell of the house still reminds me of her.
The card boxes all over the house remind me how amazing she was about sending cards out to everyone...and she had a HUGE family!
She knew everyone by name.
She paid attention and knew about every one's life.
If only there were more people in the world like her.
There is a hallway FULL of pictures in the house.
Mostly family, nieces nephews, cousins, etc.
But there there are lots of old pictures of Grandma and her little family, her parents.
My Grandma had the best smile and a very contagious laugh.
I LOVE my Grandma and hope I can be more like her.
I plan to put more pictures from our trip up...because there is a lot...
But we just got home, and I just want to go to bed!


We LOVE our cousins!!!
Oh my kids always have so much fun with their cousins.
They are all so close in age and they all LIKE each other!
It is really great!
This is Abi, Cassi, and Morgan.
Such beautiful girls.

Friday, November 27, 2009


We LOVE our family!!!

Another great night filled with food, fun and family!
Again, I feel so blessed and thankful to have such wonderful family.
We had another Thanksgiving dinner tonight.
Yummy food and lots of fun talking and catching up.
I got to see one of my cousins, Amy, that I haven't seen in YEARS!
It was great to catch up with you Amy!
And of course we had pies that My sister Emily made!
At that is where we get the whip cream...and a lot of little kids in sugar comas!

Thursday, November 26, 2009


We LOVE Thanksgiving!!!
Okay...obviously I was stuffing my face at Thanksgiving dinner and didn't get any dinner pictures.
But we had a great dinner with Dustin, Uncle Ugly (Doug), Sandra, Nancy, Russ, Kaleb, Heather, Lauren, and Grandma and Grandpa.
It was a nice time.
Even better we got together at the church where the kids could run wild...and they did!
Anyway, it was a nice time visiting and remembering.
You know, we really are so blessed to have such amazing families.
We have a had a great time here in Evanston, visiting with family and getting our bellies fat!
A little while ago, Grandpa got a new horse.
His name is Strip, and Elsie has been talking about this horse non-stop to her teachers and friends, but she had never even met the horse before.
I knew she would be a little afraid, we have tried to put her on other horses before, and she didn't want to do it.
But we got her onto Strip today and she was screaming with joy at the top of her lungs!!!
So he is no longer names Strip...according to Elsie he is 'MY STRIP'
It was such beautiful weather with wonderful people around us.
Look at that happy face!
Porter thought Strip was pretty cool too, maybe not as cool as the backhoe, but pretty cool anyway!
Lauren and Madi...riding on Strip.
Here is a shot of our little twinner guys.
Bridger is two weeks older than Porter, can you see the similarities???
Just a couple of darling little boys!
So what am I thankful for???
I am so thankful to be blessed with an amazing husband that works so hard to give his family the best life they can have.
I am thankful I am blessed with my four amazing children, without them, I would be lost!
I am thankful for the gospel in our lives, without it we would be VERY lost.
Amazing friends...I wish everyone could be as blessed as we are to have the friends we have in our lives!
Good health. We have had a few weeks of being sick lately...and I am so grateful that we have healthy kids who don't get sick very often!
I am thankful for our extended families. We are so blessed to have these strong amazing people in our lives.
And I am thankful for every day this last 270 that I have had the chance to find something I LOVE in my life...good days or bad days, I could always find something good.
I wish I could go on and on...but I think I will go and chat with Brent and his parents...because I am so thankful for that too!

Wednesday, November 25, 2009


We LOVE helping on the farm!!!

The girls have always had so much fun helping out when we go and visit Grandpa.
Even Porter helped to haul hay this morning...although I was informed, he isn't that great of a helper yet!
But Elsie sure is a great goat feeder!!!
Aren't these pictures darling!
Man, we love it here.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009


We LOVE Elsie's class!!!
Today Elsie's class had their Thanksgiving feast.
I got to go and it was so fun.
I just love Elsie's class.
Her teachers are so awesome...
The kids are so sweet.
I am so glad that Elsie gets to have these people in her life!

Monday, November 23, 2009


I LOVE being a THETA MOM...
When my sister, April, TAGGED me on her blog...I was flattered...
Then I thought What in the heck is a Theta mom???
April gave the description of The True Authentic Mom.
But I needed more.
So I went to this blog, the Theta Mom and I found this in her mission statement........
What makes you a Theta Mom?
Our own mothers and grandmothers didn’t live in a time when issues and topics, especially regarding motherhood, were easily discussed. They also didn’t have many choices. Today, women have so many opportunities, including the power to be heard. So, start talking! We need to get real about motherhood and speak authentically because that is the real essence of a Theta Mom.
Here are some things to consider:
What surprised you about motherhood? What didn’t you expect? What do you wish someone would have told you about motherhood or pregnancy? What would you share with a mommy-to-be right now? If you could write a book, what aspect of motherhood would you focus on? Why? What does it mean (to you) to be truly authentic? What have you discovered about yourself as a mother? What has changed in your life since motherhood? What hasn’t changed? What stages of motherhood have been the most difficult? Why? What aspects of motherhood have been the most special and/or rewarding? What do you want out of motherhood? What are your own hopes and fears about motherhood?
So that made me think...what experiences in my life has helped to make me an authentic mom???
I liked the question, "What have you discovered about yourself as a mother?"
My answer to that is, I have learned I can't do it alone.
Brent and I are a team.
I know everyone says that...but for real...we are!
We do everything together, we share responsibilities and we ALWAYS try to work as a team.
These kids have a chance in life because of their Father and his patience and love for them.
He has taught me so many things in so many ways.
There are a few experiences that have helped in making me an Theta Mom...
My very first experience at being a Mom was a very big growing and learning experience.
My first sweet baby, Madi Bell, was whisked away from me after she was born because she wasn't breathing well.
She would end up staying 8 days in the NICU.
And then for me to leave for home from the hospital without my baby, heartbreaking.
Then to return each morning with milk for my baby, stay all day to help love, cuddle, change, feed, nurture.
All of that helped Brent and I grow.
Our hearts grew, not knowing we could ever have loved like this.
We just plain grew up because we had this fragile new human being that we were in charge of.
And we grew together, as that happens so many times in trials.
Next big experience in my life as a mother, we were blessed with a sweet angel that cried for 4 months of her life...straight through.
That was a trial itself.
But Brent and I knew it was because of something...there was something burdening our baby...and we needed to find out what it was.
Sweet Elsie has always had the most perfect smile...even in those 4 months of crying.
She has always been able to squeeze into any one's heart.
We continued to look for avenues to find out what to do about her struggles.
We switched pediatricians and she finally saw and agreed with what we saw...but still with her being so young, we didn't have many options.
Neurologist would only say she was slightly delayed and promised she would be up to speed by the next time we saw him, which of course didn't happen.
Like all Moms now-a-days I turned to the Internet.
I found so much information, a lot of it scary.
Then I had a friend tell me about her friend who went through the same kind of issues.
And her daughter had Cerebral Palsy.
It still took a while to get the correct diagnosis, and although it didn't fix was nice to finally know.
I have learned so much about being Authentic from this little girl.
She is real.
When she is happy, you know it...and she is usually happy.
She is patient.
She will push and try and then push even harder to do what she wants to do.
She is a light in everyone lives and I am proud to be her Mother.
Third experience was when we had Porter...we had a rough start, but we were able to take him home.
A few days later, he was very jaundice and wouldn't eat, so we had to take him to the hospital where he was admitted.
That is where we found out that he had apnea, and we had to stay there for 4 more days.
What amazes me about those 4 days is how I even kept it together.
I stayed in the hospital, in his room, on the couch, each night.
The nurses would come in every 3o min to check on him, take his blood, collect his diapers, make sure I was feeding him.
I was literally living on NO SLEEP.
I still remember thinking about it at the time...I just gave birth, I haven't slept in days, I am emotionally drained...shouldn't I be exhausted???
But I wasn't.
I was there and alert and making sure I was doing everything I needed to get this little boy to our home.
And of course, he came home.
And then I crashed.
That is something about motherhood, when you desperately need the strength, you have it.
It is just there.
Well, I guess it was more due to prayer and help that I had the strength...but I think that experience made me grow as a mother.
And help make me an Authentic Mom.
Another experience only happened a few short year ago, but I remember it rocking our world.
I went to my Dr. for a routine exam where some small lump were found in my breast.
And like a whirlwind I had mammogram, biopsy, then another bigger biopsy all to find out everything was okay.
But I am grateful for what I learned in that situation.
First , I already knew that Brent loved me, but in that time I have never felt more supported and lifted up.
He was there for me in every way, and I thank him for that.
I know he too was stressed and worried, but he was always right there, right beside my side making sure I was okay.
I love that man so much.
Second, I learned not to take anything for granted.
I couldn't believe how quickly everything happened.
One minute I was at home doing laundry, then next, on the operating table getting pieces of myself removed!
And of course when something like this happens, you think of the worst and I couldn't help but wonder what would happen to my kids.
Would they even know how much they were loved?
Would they remember the best of me, not the worst?
So that experience helped open my eyes and want to focus on giving my kids good memories to think of when the time finally comes for me to leave them.
And the last thing I have learned, well that I will write about anyway...this is turning out to be long...
The little things matter most.
Reading to them every night...such a simple thing...
But it is such a special time for each kid.
I am reading Charlotte's web with both Madi and Cassi...only, I am further ahead with Madi...'cause Cassi also likes to read the Dr. Seuss ABC book, which she has memorized.
But we are catching up to Madi though, because Brent has started reading with Madi too at night.
Right now they are reading about Florance Nightingale.
This one-on-one time is really a big thing too.
I have learned that, mostly in the last year or so...since we became a family of six.
They crave that one-on-one time, and we try to give that to them when we can.
So there you have it...a handful of things that have made me a THETA MOM.
Sorry that it turned out to be so long.
But I enjoyed digging into my mind and coming up with stories to share with you.
Do you think they are trying to stress me out with this....

I am so NOT ready for Christmas...but I am determined not to stress myself out, and to make it about the season of love and giving!

Sunday, November 22, 2009


We LOVE quotes....
If you have ever been to our house and seen our fridge, you would agree.
We love quotes.
I keep all the cute little saying that I get from Relief Society...
Brent finds all kinds of quotes from books and work.
And we have always done this...always collected quotes.
Today I skipped church.
One reason, Elsie still had a little runny nose...and they don't like that at nursery.
And Brent was we stayed home.
But this morning I felt like I still wanted a little spiritual enlightenment...
So I turned on the BYU channel and lucky me they had a devotion on.
Elder Huntsman was speaking and I absolutely loved his talk.
I pulled several quotes from his talk to hang on the fridge.
My very favorite quote from today was from Winston Churchill,
"We receive our inspiration from the mountain tops, but receive our maturity from the valleys of life."
I thought it was just beautiful.
And perfect...
We all have our trials, some big and some little.
But like Brother Huntsman said as part of his talk,
"Adversity determines our character."
I struggle with wanting to be the best Mom for my kids.
I think I am a good Mom, but I am the best Mom they could have...or the best Mom that they deserve?
(Remember me saying this blog is my if you want to be done reading...that is just fine.)
Brent is definitely the stronger, more patient parent.
He uses each situation as a learning tool.
And I just need to grow up.
I seem to act the same age as them, like two friends in a big fight.
I shouldn't be like that.
How can they learn from me how to deal with a stressful situation if I can't deal with it myself????
And I am trying to be better at it.
But I keep thinking, "Is it too late? I have already taught them all my bad habits when it comes to getting mad!"
I hope it isn't too late.
That is why I love quotes.
It is like a big cheer before the big game.
You know what I mean?
So I am gearing myself up tonight to be the Best Mom in the world for my little ones.
Cause they deserve that.

Saturday, November 21, 2009


I LOVE my boy!!!
and playing at the Fire Station!
Oh...isn't he the cutest one year old!?!?!?!?
It was a pretty lazy day.
And then this afternoon I decided I would go out and take the kids individual yearly pictures...I was going to do them in Wyoming when we go...but it will be SO COLD there!!!
So I headed back to the same place that we took our family photos...asked the nice farmer guy if it would be okay...and he said no problem!!!
So we got that done.
Then we headed home for some dinner and then went to the Fire Station to visit Dad.
We always love the station.
So many fun things to do and climb on...
My future Fireman!

I am not sure why I am so in love with this picture...he is sitting at the wheel of the engine.
I just love it...maybe because it's my sweet boy looking at his Daddy...I don't know.

And there's my boys!

Gosh...isn't that cute?

The girls were playing with this punching bag and it swung and bumped Porter...he turned so quick and was ready for a fight.
It really was so funny.
His instant reaction to that a good thing or a bad thing???
Then of course rock climbing, sliding down the pole, and swinging on ropes...just the usual at the Fire Station!
Here is a shot of every one's picture...
I know I am biased...but I think my kids are pretty good looking!

Happy Birthday Porter!!!

Happy Birthday to my big boy!!!
I can't even believe that he is one today.
Can you believe how big he is???
My heart skips a beat when I get to see this guy every morning.
His smiles warms me.
He is such a perfect little blessing for our family.
He is one amazing little boy and we are so lucky to have him!
I can't wait to see what future years will bring!
We LOVE you Porter Brent...
Happy #1 Birthday!!!
I am sure there will be lots of fun birthday pictures to post later!
My friend Heather asked me last night if I remembered what time he was born...and I couldn't remember anything!!!
Thank goodness for blogs/journals!!!
If you want to remember with me...go HERE!

Friday, November 20, 2009


We LOVE a good party!!!
Tomorrow this little guy is going to be one...ONE!!!
I can't even wrap my brain around that.
Oh how we love this little boy in our lives.
He is such a joy.
Pure joy!
Tonight we had a little party for him...we will celebrate at the station tomorrow too!
We had a lot of cake...a lot of wrapping paper, and best of all good friends...yep, they were all little girls...but he needs to get used to that...
Here are some pictures to tell the story of the night for me.
He wanted that fire!!!

He loves marshmallows.
My girls were all a little weary to dig into their cakes whenthey turned one...
So I thought if I put marshmallows on it...he would dig in...
It worked...but I am pretty sure he would have dug into it with out them anyway!

Elsie helped him out a little until she got her own to eat.

Opening presents!
How how fun it is to be the birthday boy!!!
My favorite picture is on the bottom left.
Isn't it a giant dump truck a MUST HAVE if you are a little boy???
Can you tell how much he loves it????
I am sure that thing will get some miles on it.
We had such a fun night!
Thanks to our friends making it such a fun night!



Thursday, November 19, 2009


We LOVED this city project idea!!!
Today Madi...and all the other 3rd graders...turned in their businesses to be put together into a city.
This evening we went and saw them all put together into a very large city.
Seriously...this is such a fun idea.
Each kid made a business at home...but in class they each made a home to be displayed into neighborhoods.
Such a fun idea!!!
Madi's station turned out great...
Let me preface...parental help was required!!!
Although the ideas were all Madi's, the hot glue-ing and hard stuff was left to Mom and Dad.
My favorite?...the flag she painted on some paper.
See how it is waving in the wind!
Here are some shots with it in the city.
The little yellow house is the house Madi created in class.
Pretty stinkin' cute!!!
Just one street of the city that was laid out all over the gym floor.
And I just had to post this...
Cassi got home from school and wanted to make lunch for Cassi and I.
I think she wanted to make something special because today Brent went to school and had lunch with Madi and then helped score points with Madi in the run/walk club.
So Cassi wanted something special for us.
First she told me to go into the office and not to come out.
When she finally had me come out...she had this waiting for me.
Tablecloth and everything.
She said she couldn't think of anything to make so she got some apples out and put a plate of Ritz crackers in the center of the table.
Oh, and filled our cups with Root Beer.
Such a little sweetheart!

Wednesday, November 18, 2009


We LOVE Dressing-up for school!
Today was WACKY WEDNESDAY and they were supposed to wear stripes and bring a dime for a school fund raiser they are having.
I laid out the pink shirt and the blue shirt for Cassi to pick which one she wanted...and she came down this morning with both on...hey that's pretty wacky if you ask me!
So it worked!
Madi isn't always so gung-ho to dress up..she wants to dress up...but not too much.
I think it was because she was embarrassed on pirate day during red ribbon week...she got all dressed up to find out no one in her class did...she didn't like that.
So now she is very careful with what she chooses to wear and doesn't make it too crazy.
These two are just like night and day.
Hey...that is what makes the world go round...right!
Anyway...I think they both looked darling!
I got my pictures today and I love them...I am having a hard time picking what I want...and what to post and what to save for know...
But I will post some soon!
Thanks again, Amy!
Don't buy your 2010 calendars yet...
I have one set in my hands right now...the then and now calendar...
The beef-cake needs to be fixed a little, but will be back by next week.
I really want to do a good job selling these for the Fire department burn-out help me out...
They would make great gifts for Christmas!
Let me know if you want one!
Only $10.00!
I will try to get a picture posted tomorrow...but you know you want one!!!

Tuesday, November 17, 2009


I LOVE my family!!!
I also LOVE that picture day is FiNaLlY over!!!
My awesome friend, Amy, and I swapped family photos...
Today was finally our day to do it...but it almost wasn't.
Remember how windy today was...
Well, this was already a rescheduled day due to weather and we were gonna try tomorrow...but we decided to just get it over with.
I am glad we did.
Family pictures are exhausting...and it doesn't just start on the day of pictures.
I think I put way too much time and stress into these outfits.
I wanted them to be fun, but a little funky, but also show the individual personalities...oh and did I mention that I didn't want to spend much money doing it!
Well, these are the outfits I came up with.
I will start with Madi.
Her undershirt is one of mine...just pinned in the back.
Her over shirt was also one of mine, cut and sewn to fit her just right...and a belt I made for her to bring in the dark blue.
I think it portrays Madi's proper-ness, and perfection-ism.
Cassi's red top used to be a dress, but I saw this Levi skirt at a second hand store and thought it was SO CASSI!
So I cut the dress to show the skirt. I know...I am weird.
I just came across the socks and also thought they were SO I had to get them...and they helped bring the turquoise color to her outfit.
Then I made some little flowers to put on her dress to help them tie in together.
I think it portrays Cassi's cRaZiNeSs!
Elsie is wearing a sweater dress that was mine...just never looked good on me and I knew the color would be beautiful on I cut and sewed...cut more and sewed more...until is was just right.
I also made a cute flower pin for her dress the help bring in the red.
I think the outfit shows Elsie's sweetness and her love-ability!
Lucky for Porter and Brent, boys clothes are nearly as fun to they are pretty plain...but pretty good looking if you ask me!
My dress and boots are borrowed from my friend Jenni...(every professional picture I have had taken in the last few years...I have worn clothes from Jenni)
The striped top is a dress I found at another second hand store...half off, yippee!
So I cut it right down the middle to make it a little jacket.
I know...crazy me again.
But that is why the outfit matches me...I am crazy!
I Took my camera so Amy could take a few shots so I could post one tonight!
I am so excited to see how the others turned out!!!!!
Thanks Amy SO MUCH for doing this for us!

Monday, November 16, 2009


I LOVE my Madi time!
Madi and I don't always see eye to eye.
And it makes me sad.
I want BADLY to have a better relationship with her.
I think we are both trying.
Tonight Madi helped me get all the younger ones to bed and she and I stayed up for a little while working on her city project.
That is what Madi thrives on.
One-on-one time.
I need to try harder to give that to her.
It is easier for her to open up and tell me about things in her life when there isn't chaos all around us!
I do enjoy my time with Madi and I hope she enjoys this time with me.
It is a very important thing for a girl to be able to talk to her Mom about important things.
I just want her to always know I am there for her.
I love that girl.

Sunday, November 15, 2009


I LOVE the Reflections program...
Seriously...there is no better program...asking a child to express how they feel through art!
This years theme is "Beauty is......" and the child makes a work of art, in all different categories, that explains the theme.
The girls finished up their projects this afternoon because they are due tomorrow!
Nothing like waiting 'til last minute!!!
Madi wrote...
"Beauty is nature"
And she painted these lovely purple flowers.
Cassi wrote...
"Night is beauty"
Cassi's evolves from several different one point she had a deer drawn at the bottom, a popsicle stick tree glued on one side, it was a beach at one point, but I think the final outcome is just wonderful.
I told her that I can't wait to hang it up.
Madi had a great idea..she wanted the picture to pop...
But later this evening I read the rules, and they state that they can't be 3D.
I told her we would take it off, but when she gets it back, we will glue it back on and hang it that way!
I think it turned out perfect!

Saturday, November 14, 2009


I LOVE to de-clutter!!!
I know...shocking...the girl who takes everyone else's junk actually throws stuff out!!!
Today was a very productive day.
I love those!
Christmas is fast approaching and every year we like to weed out the toys...WAY DOWN.
The kids help us out and we let them know that we are donating them and the toys will get to go to kids who are not as fortunate as them.
It is easy to get rid of the stuff you don't want...but some things...were a little harder to let go.
But the kids learned that it isn't much of a sacrifice if you don't WANT the toys anyway.
They made some good choices...kept what they needed and gave the rest away.
I think we have pretty good kids.
Elsie was willing to give it all away, she kept throwing any old thing into the donate bucket...
She had a great time doing it...I am not sure she understood that they were going away.
Silly girl.
We still have A LOT more to go through, but we had a car load of stuff to take to DI.
Madi kept saying that it felt good.
And it felt really good.
And, just so you have a cute picture to look at instead of garbage bags, I will add this one.
I can't believe Porter is almost one!
I am making a birthday book for him (free from shutterfly...yay!), with all his monthly pictures and I needed a 12 month this is cheating, a week before he is one...
But isn't he SO CUTE?????

Friday, November 13, 2009


I LOVE this chair!
And so does Elsie.
I saw this chair at Goodwill not too long ago.
I loved it and I wanted it...but I did not want to pay $30 for it!
I thought for sure it would be bought by some lucky person ASAP.
The next week I went into goodwill and it was still there!
And guess was half off!
So I got it and brought it home.
It sits in Elsie and Cassi's room.
Once I paint the room and get it how I want, this Pink and Gold chair will fit perfectly!
It has made story time at night much more comfy for me.
It has also allowed Elsie to get in and out of bed.
Up until now, she just stayed in bed, or waited to be put in bed.
Now she has learned to climb into the chair and get in bed, or the opposite way too.
So here is our new daily routine.
After school Elsie has lunch.
Then we go up to bed, where she used to take a nap.
Now she enjoys her quite time playing with her kitchen and being "Mom" to her babies.
She loves this alone, quiet time.
And I think she needs it.
She gets so much interaction and stimulation at school, I think it is nice for her to take the time to calm down.
So thanks to this chair she is able to get down and continue to use her imagination but also get some quiet time.
But, like you see in the picture...sometimes she still needs the sleep...and she doesn't always quite make it out of the chair....

Thursday, November 12, 2009


I LOVE fun school projects....
All of Third grade gets together and makes what they call "CITY".
They each make houses at school for a neighborhood.
But at home they get to create a business of their choice.
Of course Madi chose to replicate Dads fire station #7.
I can't wait to see how it turns out and I can't wait to see the whole "CITY" put together!
Madi is painting her pavement to put the station on.
It's gonna be cool, just wait!

Wednesday, November 11, 2009


I LOVE extending the lives of old clothing....
Yes, those are the feet cut out of Porters 6-9 month jammies.
Oh come can't tell me you have NEVER done that!!!!!!!
But seriously...I think I have a sickness...
A sickness that you will see unfold in a week or so.
We are getting out family pictures done soon...
The girls outfits are all altered from some other outfit...Cassi's is from an old dress of Madi's...Madi's is made from an old shirt of mine, and Elsie's is from an old dress of mine.
I know, I am crazy!
I do this kind of thing more often than you would think.
I am crazy, I realize that.
But when you see something, not being used, that can be transformed into something usable, WHY NOT!?!?!