Wednesday May 6

The kiddos got off to school good this morning.

Except Cassi.

She was still sleeping, so i thought I would leave her alone and just take her late if she didn't feel good.

She slept until 10.

I was putting a second coat on the stairs when she woke up.

At first she thought she was all better so she got up and started getting ready, then she started getting dizzy and motion sick again.

So I told her to just lay down and take it easy.

Darn-it!

So I called the concussion clinic again and they made an appointment for her to go in tomorrow.

I don't know what they can do for her, but I hope they can help somehow!

She has been a bit better this afternoon, but still....no fun!

*****

So I put a good second top coat on the stairs.

Just one more!!!!!

Then we can get the posts installed!!!!

Very exciting!

*****

Holly Papa stopped by this morning.

She brought an exercise ball with her.

When she and Stacia were over the other day, I asked if they had an extra exercise ball, for some of Madi PT exercises.

Well, she came by today and said that her Grandma had two balls, so she had an extra one to spare :)

How sweet is that?????

She also brought over some frozen cookie dough too :)

I know that will come in handy!!!!!

She is pretty darn great!

*****

After I picked Porter up, I had plans to shower....but that didn't work out.

I had to get to the school for an IEP meeting for Elsie.

I was nervous about the meeting.

We have had a rough year with Elsie this year.

Sometimes I am worried that the teachers get tired of having to deal with her when she has a breakdown.....

Anyway....

The school psychologist went first.

This is actually the first time she has been evaluated by the psychologist.

A lot of things she said makes sense.

She said, and I agree, that her eyes need to be retested.....

Elsie is always getting really close to the book, turning it, pulling further away from it.

 But the psychologist isn't sure it is a problem with vision, but rather maybe how her vision is affected by her CP.

Maybe there are more factors at play here that could be causing other issues.

She suggested asking the eye doctor (which we have an appointment for next week) if she knows an eye specializing with vision problems in relationship to Cerebral Palsy.

I actually got a lot of information today, so it is hard to sort it all out, really.

But I really liked the Psychologist and really felt that she was on Elsie's side and didn't just think she was being a bad kid.

But that there are real underlying things that may be contributing to her behavioral problems.

The OT was also there and she mentioned that the amblyopia (lazy eye) that Elsie has with her eyes can really contribute to her frustration in reading.

Instead of smooth reading across the line, her eyes are not working together she kind of seems to jerk back and forth to each word.....

So obviously she is gonna fight when it comes to reading....she probably gets a headache!

She has fallen behind a lot in speech as well.

Actually, she has fallen a lot behind in everything this year.

It breaks my heart.

This whole school year has been so crazy...starting with the house remodel stuff and then all this stuff with Dad.

I feel like I have let her down and not given her the time and effort she needed to be able to keep up.

I felt like sitting there and bawling when they talked about upping her time in OT and Speech and language therapy.

They also want to implement a behavioral/social group.

All that extra time will take her out of the general education class even more!

Remember when I fought so hard this year to keep her in the general ed classroom as much as possible????

What if it is my fault she has fallen behind????

I just want her to be able to be with the kids her age.

I don't want her to be the Room 5 (resource room) kid.....I know that sounds terrible.

I'm a jerk I guess.

But I am not gonna lie, I feel like by middle school she will be able to be caught up right along with her peers and I don't want her labeled as the 'special ed' kid.

I know how kids can be mean.

Right now they aren't.

Right now, she is actually quite adored by her many friends.....

Anyway......I just want to cry.

Because I know this is best for her, and I feel selfish for thinking the way that I am.

Because I don't want her to be so far behind and struggle to keep up, and then give up because it is all too hard.

And that is what is happening now in class.

It takes her a lot longer to write the same things her peers are writing....by the time she is done, they have moved on and she has missed the instruction for the next thing.....

I know she is frustrated.

I just want the best for her......

I don't want life to be a struggle for her any more than it has to be.

I also feel guilt for not spending the amount of time with her as maybe I should be.

I feel pulled in so many directions... and I feel like I have failed her.

Please excuse my emotions right now....but I kind of feel like I have failed all my kids.

Anyway.....that's a whole other thing.....

But for now, the next few weeks of school, we will go with their plan and hopefully she will not feel as frustrated.

And hopefully the eye doctor will give us some ideas on what else we could be looking at.

And maybe, just maybe, our lives will calm down in the next few months and I can work on being that mom that these kids deserve!

*****
Joanne came today for Elsie's speech!
We haven't seen her for a long time.....because of everything going on around here.
But Elsie worked hard and did great :)
*****

Tonight for YW we had a fun activity.

Cindy has a friend living in Guam.

And she mentioned that many members live in very humble circumstances and they don't have pictures of Jesus or the temple in their homes.

So we cut pictures out of church magazines and put them on pretty paper, then laminated them.

They also wrote their testimonies, or something nice on the back.

They turned out really good.

And the girls had a lot of fun!

We also collected toothbrushes and toothpaste as well, because that is also one of their needs.

So it was a great service project for sure!!!!