A day I will never
forget, a day I would like to forget, but a day I need to remember.
If that can even make sense.
Thursday afternoon, we had
just had lunch with Grams and Gramps at Grandpas feed store.
We had promised Port a
tour of Uncle Ugly's new sheriffs office.
So we all loaded in the
Tahoe for the short drive to the jail.
Threw Port in between
Brent and I, and the girls piled in.
Madi was pretty darn
grumpy and not being very nice to Cassi.
And Cassi not being very
nice to Madi.
Madi got in trouble, and
we were asking her to just be nice.
She said it's not fair
that we always point out her flaws (classic teenager stuff right
there!)
We explained that we are
her parents, and it is our job to help mold her into the best person
she could be.
Then there was silence.
What happened after that,
it's all a blur.
A slow-motion blur.
Dad was starting to pull
to the left side of the road, crossing into the other lane.
The Tahoe has always had a
pull to it, but it had gotten noticeably worse on the drive up to
Wyoming.
Well, Brent must have been
looking over at me, and all he remembers is me yelling at him to get
on the road and him just seeing a car coming right for us head on.
So he jerked to the side,
going 65 mph. on the Highway.
Almost got control and
felt a wobble, so he steered the other direction, again almost
getting control.
More wobble, so another
direction switch.
We were on blacktop to the
side of the road during those swerves, and after the third swerve, he
was sure he had control.
Then we hit dirt.
That is when it rolled.
It rolled and rolled and
rolled.
It was just like in the
movies, that slow motion washing machine kind of feeling.
I can vividly remember the
clunk-clunk of the head over heels of the Tahoe.
And the screams.
Oh the screams.
Sheer terror.
And then the car stopped,
right side up.
I watched my camera, which
was around my neck, lunge forward and hit the dash.
For a split second I
thought, awe dang....my camera is broken :(
Then like a horror movie,
I look around at what happened.
I could see the bottom
half of dad, his arms limp to the side of him.
The top half was covered
by the top of the Tahoe, folded down between he and Porter.
He wasn't moving, he
wasn't talking.
The kids were all
screaming.
A scream I have never
heard before, a screm I never want to hear again.
I needed to assess what
was going on.
I had to get them out.
I was unharmed.....how
could Brent be sitting there, not moving, and me be perfectly fine?
I turned to look behind me
and I saw many little faces, and Elsie's glass-less face in a
pure terror scream.
She was standing up,
unbuckled, holding onto the headrest of our seat.
I saw Madi's legs up
towards the ceiling and Cassi smashed against the back of my seat,
with Madi's torso on top of her, with head down by Cassi's feet..
Porter was cuddled right
up next to me, crying desperately to just go home.
I started
yelling....telling them to stop screaming.
It was going to be okay.
We were going to be okay.
But I had to see if dad
was okay.
That was when I started to
hear a squeak of a sound come from him.
I bent my head down under
the top of the car folded down.
I started searching for
Grandmas phone, that we just stopped to grab, cause we don't have
cell reception in Wyoming.
I looked at his face.
He was paralyzed.
He couldn't move.
He couldn't breathe.
He couldn't do the only
thing he wanted to do.
Save his family.
He just kept trying to say
'Call Doug. Call Doug!'
I grabbed the phone,
flagged down cars and ran back and pulled Elsie and Porter out and
put them to the side of the car.
I helped Madi out, and
Cassi over to the little ones.
That was when Madi said
her back was hurting bad and Cassi's neck was hurting.
So we laid them both down.
The immediately held
hands.
Those hands did not let go
the rest of the time there, on the stretchers, in the ambulance and
at the hospital.
It sounds like I am
joking, but that was a tender mercy that I needed to see.
I knew they had each
other.
I knew they would be okay.
While all this is
happening, about a million cars had pulled off the freeway.
People everywhere to help.
Someone with each of the
little ones.
And before you knew it,
there was Doug.
Doug (Uncle Ugly) was at
the courthouse and heard the call come in.
Something told him, I need
to go to this call.
Can you imagine what he
felt when he pulled up and saw that it was our car?
It was just what Brent
needed to see.
He needed to know that
Doug was there.
He needed to know his
family would be taken care of.
And he knew that if Doug
was there, everything would be okay.
He also knew that along with Doug, Jeremy was there.
Jeremy was there.
Jeremy, Brent's nephew that was more of a brother than anything else to him.
Jeremy, who died several years ago, way too young.
He was right there with Brent.
They loaded Madi and
Cassi, onto the stretchers and into the ambulance, hand in hand.
They put Elsie, Porter and
me in an ambulance together.
And I looked back and
watched them as they pulled the top off the Tahoe and pulled Brent
out.
Then they shut the doors
on me.
This whole time I had so
many people asking me if I was okay, if I was hurt anywhere.
I felt fine.
When I got in the
ambulance I did start to feel a little pain in the back of my
shoulder.
So they made me lay down
and put a collar on me.
They put little collars on
Elsie and Porter too.
Port had a tender spot by the side if his left eye.
I know it was from when Dad threw his arm across him to hold him back from the dashboard.
The dashboard he SHOULD have hit.
I told him that his Daddy saved his life.
I know he did.
Well, then they strapped me to a
backboard.
They took the little ones
in first, and when I got in there, Mindi was in the room with Elsie.
And there were others with
Madi, Cassi and Porter in the other room.
We had family everywhere.
They all showed up.
I kept asking about Brent.
They told me what they
could.
They told me they
intabated him.
All the time I got asked
questions after question about my kids birthdays, names, etc.
And I had to pee!
Man I needed to go!
They said as soon as I got
cleared, I could go.
They finally took me back
to gt scans done to make sure all was okay.
I passed the room Madi and
Cassi were in and I could just turn my head enough to see those hands
holding tight to one another.
During my scan they had to
give me a dye.
The dye sends a warm
sensation through your body.
A warm sensation.
AHHH!
It was so bad!
I was sure I peed my
pants!!!!
But, I was all good.
As they took me out of the
room they informed me that Brent was being life flighted.
They saw air in his
abdomen in the images and some other stuff they didn't like and
weren't equipt to deal with.
They kept me there in the
hall so that I would be able to see him before they took him away.
As I was waiting, I was
cleared, so they got me off the backer board.....I rushed to the
bathroom.
Then I watched them
prepare him to go in the helicopter.
I watched the lady pumping
air into his lungs.
I watched them work on my
husbands lifeless body.
They had to sedate him.
I was told that he was
given the most amazing blessing.
Such a blessing to have
his amazing brothers right there with him, and nephews, and whoever
else was there.
I was also told that
during the blessing he started to fight....so they had to sedate him
more.
Classic Brent :)
I was able to go out with
him to the helipad.
We watched as he was
loaded and lifted off.
I couldn't believe they
were taking him away from me.
I went back in to find my
babies.
Elsie and Porter were
already released.
So we all waited in Madi
and Cassi's room.
The doc came in and talked
to me about the girls.
No back injury, or neck
injury.
I was so scared of that.
But they both had severe
concussions.
So I was given
instructions for them and we were all discharged.
The plan was to get the
kids comfy and someone would take me to Brent at the UofU.
Madi and Cassi went to
Aunt Cindy's house where they could comfortably sit in the dark for a
while.
They also got to spend
time with Heather and Lauren who came down to check on them.
Elsie wanted to stay with
Grandma.
And Port wouldn't leave my
side.
So Sandra drove he and I
to the hospital.
We got to see him right
away and this time he was conscious.
I can't explain how I
felt.
I was so thankful he was
alive.
But so scared to see him
like that.
And I cannot do a thing
for him.
After a while they got him
up to his own room.
It was not a great
experience those first few hours in the hospital.
They rescanned him and
confirmed that he had broken t11 and t12.
But there was nothing in
his abdomen.
It's like those scans from
Evanston and the new ones were from different people (besides the
broken back.)
No air in the abdomen.
None of the other things
that they were concerned about.
What a blessing.
Literally......a blessing.
That blessing given to him
in the Evanston Hospital.
So that was good news.
But they couldn't get in
control of his pain.
We couldn't get a doctor
to come and talk to us.
We couldn't get anyone to
come and tell us a game-plan.
They kinda got him comfy
and we made some plans for the night.
His sister Nancy, a nurse,
would stay the night with him.
She would know better what
they would talk to her about.
She would be there to
fight for him.
But I had to get to my
babies.
I needed to know they were
okay.
They went through a
significant trauma.
They needed their mom.
So I went home.
Sandra drove me home, and
I kept playing through it all in my head.
Then I remembered back to
when I looked back and saw many little faces with Elsie.
How was Elsie
unbuckled????
How was Elsie unharmed.
And I thought about where
everyone was.
And then those faces.
Who were those faces????
My Elsie bug was
completely surrounded by little angels.
That baby girl of mine
does not even have a bump, no sore muscles.
NOTHING!!!!
She told her sisters that
she remembers slipping out of the seat belt.
She was directly behind
Brent.
She would have felt much
of the same force that he felt.
It is nothing short of a
miracle.
She was protected.
I could envision little
angels being her little bumper guards as she trashed around the car.
I can't describe in words
how I feel about this.
If something would have
happened to Elsie......
Oh man.
Devastation.
The blessing of no-one
being seriously hurt, except dad, he can't be mad at himself.
He is mad at himself......
But he would be more mad
if something would have happened to his family.
Oh I wish I could take
this all away from him.
I wish I could be laying
in that hospital bed so he doesn't have to feel this.
So....I'd like to say I
got a good night's rest......
The girls slept downstairs
and Port and I were upstairs at Cindy's house.
I took turns about every
15-20 minutes laying with the kids......
Upstairs and downstairs,
throughout the night.
I just couldn't sleep and
I had to make sure they were okay.
That they felt safe.
I do think I finally got
about 2 hours of sleep :)
I couldn't sleep.
All I saw when I closed my
eyes was the car turning over and over.
My babies screaming.
And seeing the love of my
life, lifeless.
I kept replaying it in my
head, the way it happened.
What could have happened.
What each of my kids must
have felt and gone through.
But the worst part was
when I would think about looking over at Brent's lifeless body, and
try to go over to him, only to see him decapitated.
One more roll and I know
that would have happened.
He had absolutely no
protection over his head.
He would not be here.
I would rather never sleep
again, than to see that playing through my mind.
Elsie woke up a couple
times in the night, kind of startled awake.
Not sure if she was having
dreams of the crash or not.
But she went back to sleep
pretty easily.
Port slept the whole
night.
I cuddled that baby boy as
much as I could.
Held his little hand when
if flew across my face, with a knee in my side :)
We all got up about 7 and
Aunt Cindy made an awesome breakfast.
I tried to get the kids
situated and tried to make pans for the day.
I knew I couldn't drive.
I was too tired.
And to tell you the truth.
I don't want to drive.
Anymore.
Not right now.
Anyway, I called Nancy to
see how things went.
I guess it was just a
horrible night.
Nancy said she was glad I
wasn't there.
I didn't need to see him
like that.
But I am glad Nancy was
there, so he wasn't alone.
I finally got to the
hospital about 12:30.
They had gotten a back
brace on him around 10:00.
Finally.
You would think that would
be the most important thing with a broekn back.
But instead he laid for
14+ hours, thrashing around because he was so uncomfortable.
The brace seemed to help
with some of the pain level.
Dave stayed with me and
Kay and Johnny came down.
They took him at about 2
to do some standing x-rays.
He came back in the most
excruciating pain.
They made him stand and he
said he just felt like every bone in his back was breaking right on
top of each other.
It took a while to get him
comfortable again after that.
But then he was able to
get some sleep.
A little bit.
Later in the day Emmy came
down again.
Around that time he was
starting to really feel sick.
His tummy just didn't feel
right.
The brace was really tight
on him.
He is just not
comfortable.
He just wants it to all
stop.
It breaks my heart to see
him like this.
To see him so helpless.
My big strong man.
He bounces between being
angry and being sad.
He keeps saying 'I almost
killed my whole family.'
He is in a rough spot
right now.
And nothing anyone says
can lift his spirits.
It just seems unfair.
Why him again?
Why his back AGAIN????
Why!
Rachel and Alberto showed
up to visit too.
It was good to see them.
Brent was sleeping, so
they didn't get to talk to him.
But they saw him and they
brought up s fruit basket and brought sweet cards that Abi made for
us.
The original plan was for
Dave to stay with Brent, and Kay and Johnny would drive me to meet up
with someone to take me back to Evanston.
But I couldn't leave him.
Instead, I called the kids
to make sure they would be okay.
They have been rockstars.
They have been so awesome.
Port was the one I was
worried about.
But he knew I needed to
stay with Dad, and he was okay with that.
I guess they got some $25
gift cards from the sheriffs office.
They they took a trip to
walmart where he bought some star wars legos.
He's been wanting to get
(more) star wars legos for a very long time :)
So that was fun for them.
Elsie bug spent the night
with Sandra.
I'm not sure yet how that
went :)
But I talked to Madi and
she said that everyone else slept good over at Cindy's.
I hate being so far away
from them.
Either I am far from them
or far from Brent.
I can't win.
Luckily we have so many
family and loved ones close by to help out where I can't be.
I am thinking maybe today
someone can bring the kiddos down to see dad.
Maybe I will send them
home with Emmy for tonight.....
I know they have been
wanting to see the Utah cousins too.
But I also feel bad
shuffling them all around.
It is truly a blessing to
be smashed right between the Matthews families and the Peterson
families.
They know they are loved
wherever they are.
And I know they are well
taken care of wherever they are.
So I stayed the night with
Dad.
It started out rough.
He felt really
uncomfortable....the brace was so tight on his tummy.
Finally about 3, they
loosed it up a little bit and he was able to get a few hours of good
sleep.
I got to get some sleep
too.
I will say it right
now.....
Brent is not a very good
patient.
And I hate that I can't do
anything to make him feel any better.
I can't even get him to
crack a smile.
The doc just came in and
told us that PT and OT are coming in this morning.
That is a pretty scary
thing.
He does not want to try
and stand again.
I don't know what we are
gonna do.
We have got to get him
feeling better so we can start figuring out how to get him home.
How are we gonna get him
home??????
How are we gonna do this
AGAIN??????
