Thursday January 8

My little boy has been having a hard time.

Breaks my heart.

It is the same kind of anxiety thing we went through with Cassi a few years ago.

 He is just much younger than her :(

He has done this before.....not wanting to go to a friends house because he didn't want to leave home.

Not wanting to go to class or church.....

But we usually got over it without huge meltdowns.

Well, I don't know if it is a mixture of having the Christmas vacation break all together, then having to go back to school and then everything going on with Dad.

But he is having a hard time.

He will call out in a panic during the day if he can't find us, and when he find us, he says "Oh, just wanted to know where you were."

Mon and Tuesday, he had a hard time leaving me to go to class, crying and running out of the classroom.

Luckily Mrs. Grayson came to the rescue both times.

Wednesday he stayed in bed all morning saying he didn't feel good.

 I let him stay home.

Today I walked him into class....he tried so hard to be brave and go, but every time I would turn to leave, he grabbed me and wouldn't let go.

Mrs. Grayson came up to him and asked if he wanted to help her.

He kept his eyes locked on me and shut anything out that anyone was saying.

I had to pull away and he was crying.

So sad.

Break my heart.

Mrs, Grayson told me to leave, he would be okay.

So I did.

Of course he was okay after a little while.....but it just means tomorrow will be even harder.

And then harder and harder each day.

It really is hard to watch him have such a hard time....to see him panic.

I mean, it is real panic in his eyes.

The best I can do, is make things a little more normal around here.....but how do I do that when things are just not normal????

I took him with me to Dads PT appointment today.

One of the promises I made to him IF he went to school.....that I would take him instead of finding a sitter for him.

That's another thing, he hasn't want to play at anyone's house except our own.

Anyway, so we took Dad to PT.

I think it is gonna be good.

We did find out that he has no Achilles reflex anymore.

And apparently that is something you don't get back.

We don't know how it will affect how he functions until the rest of everything heals up.....

A bummer to find out some real permanent damage.

Hopefully that is the last of the permanent side effects from all of this.

He got some things to work on at home, and he is hurting from what they did to him today.

But I do think it will be good.

Good to have some direction as to what to do next.

We have another dr. appointment tomorrow, which puts another kink in this whole Porter thing.

The appointment is in the morning, before the kids head off to school.

He can't drive himself.

I know we have people who would be willing to take him for me.

But I really want to be at the appointment.

And I have plenty of people who would help with getting kids to school.....but with how Port has been acting, that just won't work.

I just told all the kids they will stay home until we get back, and I will just take them to school a little late.

I am sure it will work out fine.

Oh, when will life get back to normal?